The word “Line” can apply to a lot of different concepts in sports, but we’re going to be focusing today on the Miami Dolphins offensive line coach I talked about last week. Remember? The guy who was caught on video snorting a “white powder” (which I’m going to just call coke, because c’mon man. It’s coke.)

Since that video surfaced Monday morning, the “Line Coach” (That’s a coke joke boys) Chris Foerster has resigned in disgrace and attempted to promptly fall off the face of the earth. Once the Dolphins confirmed the video to have been taken in their own facilities, it only brought up more questions. It quickly became apparent that Foerster filmed himself doing blow, with the intent to send that video to a stripper he was having an affair with.

That sounds like something I just made up, but it’s not. Turns out, the stripper herself leaked the video, claiming she did so to expose racial inequality in the way the NFL handles internal discipline. Much like a philosophy undergrad moving back home for the summer, dragging their collection of Foucalt books into their new room in boxes, there’s a lot to unpack here.

I’m not going to get into the nitty-gritty on race relations in the NFL. I’m not in a position to speak on them accurately, and I won’t. There are about a million other thinkpieces out there on that topic by people who have been in the industry much longer than I have, who will undoubtedly have more interesting things to say. I have no desire to sit here and parrot AP journalism to you when you can just go give the AP the clicks. Get out there and google to your heart’s content.

What I will point out is what is to me the most interesting piece of this puzzle of fucking up. Why on Earth would anyone film themselves doing lines of blow in their place of employment, talking about wishing they could be doing it off the stripper they’re sending the video to? The sheer level of oblivious, stupid confidence it takes to do something like that – to film something you KNOW will cost you your job and your dignity if it ever got out. To borrow one of my favourite buzz phrases from recent years in the sports world, Foerster created INDISPUTABLE VIDEO EVIDENCE of him breaking team policy, being unfaithful in his marriage, and generally saying embarrassing and weird shit to a stripper. How big of a rock do you need to live under to think that that’s something that’s even REMOTELY acceptable or safe to do? To think that wouldn’t leak? Sad!

Now that I’m 450 words deep in this Thursday’s last take, I realized I haven’t really talked about sports at all. I could bring up the catastrophic and complete failure of the US Men’s National Team, who failed to qualify for the world cup with a 2 – 1 lost to Trinidad and Tobago. I could talk about that, but there’s not really anything worthwhile to say about it. America is terrible at soccer, and you can simulate the USMNT supporter experience by banging your head on a wall while listening to the curb your enthusiasm song. You know the one.

I don’t really have much to say today, but I would like to say this.

I love the Habs. I love the history, I love the moments produced by the greatest franchise is sports history. I love the city of Montreal and I love putting on that sweater in solidarity with Habs fans across Quebec, Canada, and the rest of the world. That being said, I would not be surprised in the least if the news came out that Phil Jackson had some role in their front office.

This team is a joke, and it is absolutely no fault of the players themselves. The problem is the culture curated by the team’s coaches, management, and executives. The unwillingness to hire a head coach who doesn’t speak French is an archaic dinosaur policy that does nothing but severely limit the talent pool. To be fair, there’s probably not a worse coach that’s been in employed in the last decade than Michel Therrien, but Claude Julien isn’t that much better. He’s won a Stanley Cup, big deal. That 2011 Boston team won a cup. You could have stuck current aged Don Cherry behind that bench, and that team of destiny still would have won.

So far I think Marc Bergevin’s greatest accomplishment as a general manager is managing to be worse than Brian Burke and Peter Chiarelli at the same time. The PK Subban trade was dreadful, and every move he’s made since then has been infinitely worse. Trading away or failing to retain to ENTIRE DEFENCE? That’s worked out very well. What did the Habs even get back? Drouin, who’s a -4 with 1 helper so far this year, and a third round draft pick. The Habs can’t score, so what’s the answer? Letting Radulov go to Dallas, despite the fact he loved playing in Montreal. Failing to resign Markov, an elite level power play QB.

The team’s treatment of Galchenyuk is deplorable. The team is deplorable. Basically, what I’m trying to say here, is Go Leafs Go.

See you Monday, have a great weekend, and by the way, The Golden Knights are still undefeated.

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