2016 Hellection, In Pepe We Trust

It is happening. The election is nigh. Pepe’s chosen has sex with his supermodel wife before styling his signature hair using the moisture from the linens of virgins for hair gel and riding his EAGLE from the top of Trump Tower. He rides to the polls.

Meanwhile, in the darkness of the Democrats’ HQ, Hillary sits on a throne made from the bones of her ‘suicided’ dissenters. She takes a selfie while doing a meme face, then congratulates Virginia’s governor on pardoning 60000 ex convicts and absorbing them into her ‘cuck’ army. All her plans are coming to fruition, and she only needs to wait for the elections to come. Soon, she will have the nuclear briefcase in her hands and in only four minutes from the moment she gives the order, the missiles will be in the air. The officers must obey the order, they can’t refuse.

Millions of Mexicans wait at the border, hiding under their sombreros. Their machetes are ready, their dicks are out for Harambe #DOFH. Under their ponchos, they carry the coke and tools they need to further Overlord Shillary’s goal. Like the armies of El Mordor they await the command of the dark lord to flood the gates of America.

At the break of dawn, a bolt of lightning tears through the skies.

All free men and women of the great United States of America wake up to fulfill their civic duties. In the swamps of Florida the fans start spinning, on the mountains of Wyoming a hundred thousand ATV’s roar in unison, on the roads of Texas longhorns rear from garages, in the snows of Alaska the dogs beat their paws tirelessly to get their masters to the ballots. Everyone carries their hopes and dreams for a better tomorrow.

It starts in Los Angeles. A terrifying roar echoes through the streets, the words “Das racist!” can be made out by the frozen voters. Low-riders roll out from the alleys, armed thugs in them shooting drive-bys at anyone wearing a red cap or with a sticker in their cars that say “Make America great again”. Many men don their fedoras and wield their katanas, and valiantly attempt to hold their ground, but one after another they fall under the onslaught of lead from AK’s and Tec-9’s. Sisters and mothers are ravaged post-haste.

All over the country the same happens. The media says nothing. In fact, the media praises diversity as minorities flood the ballots, all voting for their savior, Hillary. The media rejoices, and claims that a new age has come to America, one of acceptance, tolerance, of anti-racism. Meanwhile, white men, women and children try to barricade themselves in their houses as molotovs fly and gunshots are heard.

Ten million mothers cry the words “God, protect us”

Then the scream of an eagle silences the fire and the symphony of guns. The clouds are parted by powerful wings, and the blinding sheen of His hair burns the eyes of the rioters. He says with a booming voice “America will be great again, go and vote.” The doors part and families rush to the ballots while their oppressors are blinded. Trump turns to the ‘cucks’ and says “You’re bringing drugs, you’re bringing crime, you’re rapists, and some of you, I assume, are good people. But I will stop you from getting nuclear weapons

The guns flash as the screams of gorillas can be heard, sprays of lead aimed at the great eagle, but they do not harm it. Its feathers of solid gold stop them. Trump reaches to his pocket, and begins throwing small wads of a million dollars at his attackers, crushing them instantly. The families that he protects make it to the ballots in time, and a state turns red. The media is outraged and baffled. A phone rings in the Democrat’s headquarters, and Hillary picks it up.

In California, the situation is getting worse by the minute. Thousands lay dead, thousands more raped. Nothing seems to turn the tide. Until a gruff, Austrian voice is heard: “I am back”. And a mini-gun spins, cars blow up, hundreds of gangsters are shredded. The Governator is back, and with him the muscular fury of the Aryan race. For half an hour he alone holds the streets for the survivors to vote, until the bullets and fire have broken his body. He covers one last man as he votes, turning the election, then he smiles and says “hasta la vista, baby” as he removes a fission battery from his chest, blowing himself up along with the rest of Los Angeles.

Tri-star Pictures / Paramount Pictures

Bruce Willis sees the explosion as he steers a plane from collision course into the ocean, a dozen terrorists dead on it.

Furious, Hillary orders the Party to bring Obama. The president is presented to her, in chains, and she opens a lead-lined box, exposing a glowing stone from space. He hisses and growls, and his skin boils and falls off, revealing a tall and imposing lizard-man. Mad from pain, he’s loaded into a truck, and released just blocks away from Trump.

Hillary gives the order to Mexico, and all the immigrants bare their machetes and start their sprint towards the American border, screaming “Ándale ándale, arriba arriba!”. The border patrol is quickly overcome, and a valiant officer stops a machete with his hands so his partner, fresh from the academy, can make it to the car and report what’s happening.

Trump’s phone rings, and he sees the warning of the invasion. He steers his eagle towards the border, but the bird of prey begins to scream and fall. He looks down, and sees the president, now mindless and furious, covered in scales, hissing and slashing at the right wing of his eagle. The mighty animal struggles, talons sharp as obsidian razors clawing at the lizard man, but Obama fights back. The eagle manages to break free of the reptiloid, who falls to his death, but not before swinging one last time at Trump’s eagle, disemboweling it. The eagle looks up to trump, tears in its majestic eyes, and releases one last sqwawk as it glides in free fall towards the ground, landing next to the border and taking the brunt of the impact. Trump pets his friend one last time, and a tear falls from his manly eye.

He turns towards the border, and opens the zipper on his golf club sack. From inside, he pulls a mighty sword with a hilt of gold and blade carved out of diamonds, and points it at the sky. A single bolt of lightning strikes it, and Trump begins to recite

“I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me –and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”

As the words come from his mouth, the ground trembles, and all along the border a wall twenty feet tall rises, of solid rock and concrete, with barbed wire all along its extension. The terrified inhabitants of border towns see this and a ray of hope illuminates their crying hearts. The millions of immigrants either stop or ram against the wall. Some attempt to climb it, but quickly realize it’s very hard, and if they do climb, they’re in real trouble as there’s no way to climb down. Well maybe with rope.

More states turn red, and all is chaos in the Democrat HQ. Hillary orders her child servants to attach her armor to her body, as she lets her dress fall, showing them her naked figure. One kid cries, and is quickly sacrificed and his blood used to draw satanic sigils on Hillary’s arms and chest, granting her strength. She rides to face Trump, to decide the election.

Meanwhile, at the border, thousands of Americans who just finished voting rush to thank Trump. He smiles in patriotic happiness, and hugs and kisses dozens of hot cheerleaders. Yet the skies turn red, and a figure is drawn on the horizon. Wearing blue armor stained with the blood of innocents, and wielding a mace made of bones, Hillary rushes at him with inhuman speed. Her mace takes off the head of one of the cheerleaders, before Trump can react. His sword clashes against her mace, but he’s unable to get the upper hand. Time and again they deliver blows to each other, sparks flying into the air, the rumbling alike thunder of their weapons shaking the ground. Sweating, Trump finds an opening on Hillary’s defense, and thrusts his diamond sword of freedom at her chest. Her ches tplate shatters, and her bare chest covered in runes is exposed. She faints as the red light of the darkened sun hits her skin, and the runes glow, and Trump takes a step forward to check if she’s ok.

Hillary rises, twice as fast than before. Her wrinkled breasts now hang free, and her face is twisted and contorted into a sickening grin. From her forehead erupt two ram horns, black as night, and she rushes at Trump, sending him flying against the wall. His mighty form hits the wall with a thunderous THUD and a section of the wall comes crashing down. From the breach hundreds of immigrants start flooding as Hillary laughs, a demonic voice not her own coming from her mouth. She walks towards a fallen trump, and begins mauling him with her mace, him barely able to deflect the blows. After scores of blows, his arm falls exhausted to a side, and Hillary raises her mace to deliver the final blow. As he accepts death, Trump takes one last look at the people he failed, noticing one single blonde American child running towards him, Pepe frog plush in hand, tears in his eyes as he cries “Mr. Trump, we were going to make America great again!” while multiple ponchos chase behind, machetes held high.

pepe-skyA single cloud turns green, the shape of a smug Pepe smiling at Trump. Golden light covers him, and Hillary’s smile turns into a frightened frown.

Trump rises from the ground, grasping his blade, and pointing it to the skies he calls down lightning that arcs from the sky to his sword and onto every machete, frying all the illegal immigrants and saving the boy. Hillary takes a step back, shaking, and attempts to run, but as she turns, Trump is already behind her.

“Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.”

That is the last thing she hears, as he brings down his mighty blade on her, splitting her and the ground in two, creating a chasm that swallows her broken body, and extends all along the wall, separating Mexico from the United States of America forever.

The last state turns red, and by the grace of Pepe, America is great again.


Full list of our election day entertainment:

Election 2016 Spoilers

2016 Hellection, seen from another Continent

5 Hot Tips to Avoid Showing Partisan Support on Election Day

Voting In Spite – Canadian Tale of Missing Weed

Hellection 2016, A True Story

Trump Didn’t Build a Wall (yet) – You Did, Around my Heart

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