So, you think you’re a Hacker, kid

I’ve known some hackers, boyo — an lemme tell ya’, you ain’t got the chops

The view from your high rise apartment paints a dreamy picture. The rain gently patters upon your window and displays a beautiful illumination from the busy street lights below. You sigh as you reach for your freshly ground cup of fair-trade Mountain Dew, and bring the warm mug to your lips.

Both hands tremble as the creamy liquid greets your tongue. While everyone else has class or work, you have been afforded the privilege of a self-made education — absorbing the vast amounts of free information available on the INTERNET to become a sort of wizard. A digital warlock. A technomancer and tech romancer.

I’m a hacker.

You tell your friends and anyone who will listen. I hack growth. I hack processes. I hack MARKETING. 9 to 5? You scoff. You don’t have time for such menial things. Meetings every day, feel good blog pieces to publish — you’ve got to prove you can hack it. Can you hack it? You can.

In the back of your mind, you remember the stories of the great hackers of distant times. Your grandfather used to tell them to you before the state mandated bedtimes. The stories have become a fading memory, the details long lost to an era of exaggeration. You pull out your Hacker News certified Apple device. Hacker News is where all the best marketers post what you should buy and believe if you’re a real hacker. The subtle glow eases the weariness and fatigue of likes, favorites and +1’s.

This is going to require tissues.

Richard Stallman — the name sounds familiar. You think you may have read an article about how he refuses to use emojis or something stupid like that. Emojis are great, honestly. Why use words when you can express something with images. The Egyptians did it. We’re progressing towards a brighter future — one of ideograms and common sense.

They’re always interjecting. Always. It’s hard to get anything done as a hacker today. There’s not enough time. Frontend is the new backend. Growth requires a seed.

Your dad used to take you to play games at the old arcade. Stallman! It rings a bell now! He was the villain. He tried to destroy everything you loved. Your Apple space ship. Stallman would interject, he would try to encourage you to think with FREEDOM in mind. Sinistallman.

It is hard to write a simple definition of something as varied as hacking, but I think what these activities have in common is playfulness, cleverness, and exploration. Thus, hacking means exploring the limits of what is possible, in a spirit of playful cleverness. Activities that display playful cleverness have “hack value”.

Whatever that means. There’s a great Apple Live Event coming up in an hour and you need to pick up some tissues.


  1. I have wanted a ROM dump of Sinistallman so I can play it ever since I saw your first leaked video of that super rare, old arcade game. I remember playing it as a kid. It transformed me. I became a sinister, evil FLOSSer and have wreaked havoc upon genuine Y-Combinator spoonfed Apple hackers ever since.

  2. It’s the civilized applers against hordes of stallmanist linux barbarians at the fringe of the empire. Only one empire will come out alive!

  3. They are all scammers, they will collect your money and give you excuses making you pay more.
    (I got scammed by these ones several times)
    I promised i was going to expose them.
    They don’t really hack anything, they’ve ripped me of $2000 in the past until a colleague at my work place asked me to use (REDACTED BY EDITOR) he does all forms of hack, Facebook, what’s app, emails, cloning of phones, correcting bad records and more. You can email him on ((REDACTED BY EDITOR)) or add him on BBM (REDACTED BY EDITOR)
    Stop contacting hackers you see on sites to work for you, they are low lives looking for money.

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