It started just like any other Friday evening. Everything seemed normal in Teridax’s humble 3-story home. With the work week at an end, he began his typical Friday night ritual. He tucked his two orphaned cousins into bed and prepared a quick, microwaveable meal. Online, his volunteer counter-terrorism team was waiting eagerly for their captain to arrive. As he sat down in his favorite arm chair and booted up his computer, something terrible happened. Teridax clutched his chest and fell to the ground. His ‘Hungry Man’ wing dinner fell beside him and as he hoped and prayed for help, Teridax realized that he had to make a change. The EMT arrived just in time, and it was while strapped to the gurney that Teridax dreamt up his life-saving concept, #CookingWithTheRealest.
If you’re unfamiliar with modern internet lore, the handle Teridax may simply be associated with your favorite BIONICLE. I can assure you, the man behind the handle is far more than a Lego toyline for 5 – 16 year olds. If you are aware of many of the bizarre events from the past few years, the name Teridax may terrify you. But what if the man behind the name was more than just some bad press.
Before 2014, young Teridax explored the dark underworld of Internet Relay Chats. These chatrooms are the Mos Eisley of the WWW scene and you never know the sorts of people you’ll run into there. It was within one of these chat channels that he met notorious hacker, weev. We’d link his twitter, but weev is so notorious, his twitter was ‘destroyed’ for the greater good. weev quickly took a liking to Teridax and made an apprentice of him. By the time Teridax was 10, under weev’s tutelage, he had already hacked a majority of Habbo Hotel, Club Penguin and tumblr. In 2010, after weev’s arrest from the Goatse Security AT&T data breach, Teridax was bestowed the mantle of ULTIMATE INTERNET HACKER by his mentor. Some speculate that Teridax was secretly the mastermind of the AT&T breach, but any evidence has been wiped away.
Many websites fell to Teridax’s really big ddos ion computer killer (also known as ‘big DICK’ in hacker circles) during this new age. Whispers of the name, Teridax, spread faster than “if you don’t reply to this post your mom will die in her sleep” memes. Despite his success, he was relatively unknown to the ignorant masses.
That would all change in 2014. During the #GamerGate scandal, Teridax joined forces with the pro-ZQ front and began to teach them how to beat the violent gamers that led the movement. He would spend a lot of time on the GamerGhazi IRC channel. It was there that he formulated the genius plan which would be the downfall GamerGate. Teridax spearheaded a marketing event where he promised keys to the SUPER SMASH BROS demo in exchange for a simple tweet. The tweet was sure to get GamerGaters kicked off of Twitter. “I will give to each person who tweets ‘Drop Dead ZQ’ a free key”. He knew that gamers were simple and couldn’t say no to Nintendo games, because they are like children. After this successful campaign he returned with another offer. 20 dollars for anyone who tweets “I’m a member of the misogynistic harassment campaign #GamerGate”
Gamers were taking the bait left and right and the GamerGate movement suffered huge casualties. Hundreds died in the twitter war and Teridax felt glad that he had helped the forces of good. In one last hurrah, he devised a devilish scheme that would martyr him and conveniently sever him from being traced back to GamerGhazi. He had to let people know what GamerGate was really all about. The plan was to post something horrifying and he gave direction to Peter Coffin and Sarah Butts to use his tweet as an example of the average gamer.
It worked. GamerGate ended that day. Twitter was finally free and so was Teridax.
After GamerGate, Teridax returned to the underground. He became a ruthless enforcer on reddit, moderating several of the subreddits – keeping the vision alive. He moved up the reddit mod ranks quickly and became the head mod of the JonTron subreddit. He made several stylistic and rule changes that made the sub the most popular place on the web. However, It wasn’t long after this that he slumped back into his hacker ways. He had to systematically make Reddit better and began a deep hacking campaign to fix the CSS on all of the subreddits. While his changes were improvements, his methodology was wrong. Reddit was supposed to be a place of democracy. His supporters disavowed him.
Things started getting really bad. All across the web, media outlets started calling Teridax a troll. His name became tainted and he fell into a bender of microwaveable meals and a smarties addiction. This should have been a wake up call, but his depression had gotten the worst of him. It was during this time that what should have been a simple, unnoticed tweet to Leslie Jones became another social media scandal. He couldn’t continue like this, but what was there to do?
He tried to start a online counter-terrorism team to stop people from harassing others on the web and for a time it was good. He and his team ranked up and he was the steam train striking the online Counter Terrorism engine. His recently orphaned cousins moved into his house and he started teaching them day-to-day life lessons. Things we looking up – that’s until his heart attack.
As we mentioned before, Teridax’s original idea for a healthy online cooking show ( ‘Cooking with the Realest’ ) came during his trip to the hospital. But in order for him to achieve his dream, he needed three things.
- A degree
He lucked out. After his emergency, he managed to secure a scholarship to Hope Chapel’s School for Inspirational Cooking. It was here he found God and discoverd the ingredients for the perfect cooking show. His mentor often praised his unique outlook in the kitchen. Sister Martha praised his dedicated to Christ and often noted how it was reflected in his cooking. Teridax felt redeemed.
The ‘Cooking with the Realest’ Review
You may have seen online cooking shows before like: Buzzfeed makes some stupid shit in the kitchen, I hope this guy doesn’t die in his car, and Epic Meal Time Is Still Making Videos?. These shows have heart, but they don’t have health or style. Cooking with the realest combines simple recipes with the best ingredients and gives a hands on approach to cooking for one. Even gamers can enjoy the large variety of cuisine that Teridax features in his videos.
Not only has Teridax’s health improved since he’s started his helpful ‘how-to’ cooking show, so has his life. He gave up hacking and now focuses on making meals fun again. We’ve tried a few of his recipes here at robek.world and we can attest to both the flavor and fortitude.
One video we wanted to highlight was his Hamburger Cupcakes recipe. I’ve never seen such an appetizing meal. The process is ingenious and the combination… unheard of – revolutionary. Just take a look for yourself. You won’t believe your tastebuds.
We reached out to Teridax to ask him how life has been ever since he became an internet sensation. How does he continue doing this every day?
i cook, my dick is fat, it is what it is – teridax
All this goes without saying, a little positive change in your life can go a long way. We give #CookingWithTheRealest 5/5.
- @ January 18, 2017 8:19 pm