Maybe you want to keep your friendships. Maybe you didn’t vote. Maybe you don’t want people to think about you being some sort of radical political annoyance. If you’re on robek.world, you probably have a very bad social life to begin with and don’t want to make it worse. So, with this upcoming election, the last thing you want to do is think about the election. Well, do I have some tips for you. I have lived my whole life being outstandingly mediocre, and have succeeded in making every person who has come in contact with me think that their beliefs are my beliefs, and in this election, doing so is more important than ever.
1) Stay Inside
It’s that simple. Just avoid all social interaction for a day. If your living conditions say you need to eat outside of where you live, just stock up on mixed nuts and bottled water, that’s more than enough to let you coast for a day at least. You’ll probably also want to stay off the internet for the day, as well. Get yourself a nice short JRPG, like Dragon Quest IX, or maybe read through the Dune series 2 or 3 times. A personal favorite of mine is playing a game of monopoly with myself. This method gets me as angry at myself as I would get at politics, while simultaneously taking my mind off of said politics: a win-win!
But, I understand, you took all your vacation days this year when that Liru hentai flash game that’s been in development for years finally came out. So you have no other option but to participate in society on the day your country pretends you are able to have an effect on the government.
2) Avoid Conversation
This is easy enough for people like me who don’t get in conversations by default, but if you do generally converse with people, make an effort to keep things short. Place yourself in the conversation so you are able to bail at any moment, especially if another human joins the fray, who is more likely to change the conversation and less accounted for. There’s no chance in dealing with wild cards on election day, otherwise the election would be over in the flip of a coin. Another way to stay out of conversations is to keep a busy schedule. Then you can just look at the skin on your wrist where a watch would be and say, “oh i have to get going i forgot to water my cactus.” If you’re bad at lying, actually leave your oven on so you have an excuse. Letting the oven burn your house down is extra fun because then you have much larger problems than politics. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, burning your house down is at least a plan C or D.
3) Make Jokes
If avoiding conversation doesn’t work, and you find yourself in the middle of a political discussion, you’re still not completely screwed. Given the nature of the current election, there are multiple ways to take hits at either candidate. Making jokes at the expense of both candidates is a good choice to make your subject confused about your stance, possibly allowing for an opening to exit the conversation. Better yet, you can make jokes about neither of them, pointing out a trivial current even that is indirectly related to the election at hand.
I highly recommend you don’t, but if you absolutely must, agree with the person you are talking to. If you tell them that you voted for the same person, they will most likely let you go with less hassle. This taps into the tribal tendencies of primitive man: if you demonstrate your alignment is correct, they will allow you to pass, but if you don’t, you perform a warfare to demonstrate superiority. Hopefully this warfare stays verbal, but, like I said, don’t take any chances today. Take the easy road and calmly agree with whatever meaningless opinion they have. The downside to this is you might contradict yourself if you do it twice, or have made your stance in the past. This person might also remember this and bring it up at a later date, so you could face another inescapable conversation further down the line.
Just scream as loud as you can, right in the person’s face. It won’t come off as rude, trust me, I have experience in this sort of thing. When you scream you make it clear that your entire existence is unhappy with the current state of being. Screaming harder makes the pain go away, and screaming even harder may morph reality to better suit your needs. It gives you the strength to carry out living for at least one more day, which, in this case, is all you need to get through until everything resets back to normal for 4 years. Humans are less compelled to come in contact with a screaming human, and may avoid contact with you for quite a while lest you start screaming again. And good riddance, anyone who insists on talking politics probably aren’t good people anyways. The only trick to this step is practicing the scream. It needs to be harsh and loud but also guttural and fearsome. The longer you can hold it, the better, but don’t be afraid to take a breath midway, as it can demonstrate your dedication. Practicing too much may leave you tired out, and empty any pent-up anger that may be fueling the scream, so the balance is here. Judging that this is a final measure before the more serious and legally questionable steps, this is the most important step to prepare. Screaming out a window, in a pillow, or on the commute are good times to fit this in.
So there you have it, 5 hot tips to avoiding political discussion on election day. There are other things you can do, but I’ve found these 5 provide the best balance between quick results, low consequences, and low difficulty. Like I said, after this list is exhausted you will have to face more drastic measures, which may result in legal matters, but at least then you’ll have a more personal relationship with the government and these politics might start to provide some purpose in your life.
Full list of our election day entertainment:
- @ November 8, 2016 8:00 am