Retro Resurrection: The Year of Unwanted Surprises

Death is just the beginning...

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I didn’t ask for this, and I’m sure you didn’t either. Hell, I can’t even think of a single person that could have wanted this. Our cries for mercy go unheard as our sadistic overlords begin the ceremonial shaking of the creatively insolvent piggy bank. And out of it’s decrepit underbelly exuded the corpse of yet another “beloved” 90’s video game.

Bubsy

Yes you read that correctly. The apocalyptic trumpets are sounding off and Accolade studios has announced it’s unwarranted revival. Along with them returns the notorious participant of the 90’s video game mascot war.

Feast your eyes upon the horror of truth.

“Don’t expect it to tango; it has a broken back”

Now I could end this on a long rant about why this act could be considered a violation of the NAP. But instead I’d like to shed light on the horrifying fact that Bubsy isn’t the only decaying corpse shuffling along the horizon spouting hip and edgy one liners written by unpaid and abused interns. This year we also have an HD remake of Crash Bandicoot, two new Sonic games(that look pretty good), and an HD remaster of Full Throttle. Just to name a few.

But it doesnt end there, no sir. The corporate monolith of the industry is diving even deeper into the abyss of nostalgia we all seem to hold dear, and dragging up something no one expected (or wanted.) The revival of the Atari.

The wood paneled console we all know and pretend to love is making a comeback, despite filing for bankruptcy years ago. This unwarranted return of the company is due to Atari CEO Fred Chesnais and the company’s recent restructure; allowing a broader usage of the Atari brand. Since filing for Bankruptcy protection in 2013 the company has actually started turning a profit and has confirmed their reentrance into the hardware market. Quality of said hardware is remain to be seen, however.

Now that we’ve reached the bottom of the video game history well I can’t help but wonder what the next retro resurrection will be. It’s possible we might actually see some creativity in the absence of hd remaster trite, but this is just conjecture. Maybe we’re destined to repeat this cyclical hell for eternity. Who’s to say.

Bubsy: The Woolies Strike Back is set to release this September for PC, and PS4.

The AtariBox has no set release date

2 COMMENTS

  1. This article showed up for the first time like 3 days ago, but it says it was published on june 9?

    Fix your damn website

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