Aliens Have Been Here All Along, and Here’s What You Missed

Aliens have been the center of much controversy since the dawn of time. The argument of whether we are alone in the universe is one that cannot be ignored, as proof that humans are alone (or the alternative) would redefine philosophy and religion. Many believe that humanity was already been visited and governments are obscuring knowledge of them from the public, or that ancient humanity was once close with aliens before civilization fell and we lost all proof. But today, the debate is over. I have spent the last few weeks intensively studying the involvement of other-worldly beings in historical documents. I have scoured the internet for countless hours, reading many conspiracy forums and connecting government leaks. I have seen the vans drive by and the helicopters watching from afar. Let them watch, I say. This is information that must be revealed to the public, and I am willing to be a martyr.

It is standard to be suspicious of such monumental claims, but this is definitive proof. I have no low quality pictures of UFO sightings, no source-less claims by mystics and psychics, no fake photographs of alien corpses in Roswell. What I have here is a message sent by aliens themselves. But not just any message. A message personally created for humans, using our most powerful biological interest. Rhythm. I present to you… Alien Rap: Songs About Life on the Planet Glumph, by Alien Kids.

This album emerged on the 11th of December, 2007, and is the only known release by Alien Kids. It covers many topics, and seems to be aimed at human youth. These beings appear to be highly intelligent, as they are capable of learning English and understanding the struggles of modern man, describing the far advanced state of their planet and how they have solved the issues humanity still suffers from. I have personally listened to this album several times over and described what it entails for easy reading. Enjoy, and remember, they’re out there.

Aliens have a different educational system

This is most prominent in the track “Alien Schools”, which describes how these aliens develop “super brains” through their use of a reward and interest based education (as opposed to the current Western approach to education, which is to get a grasp on many different topics at a basic level). These alien students supposedly learn solely through games, which some human psychologists and educators are starting to use as well to develop young minds. However, the main focus is the interest based education; how students learn what they are interested in and peruse jobs pertaining to that interest. Perhaps these aliens abandoned their catch-all education system and went to a mentor-student based educational system like humans had in the far past.

Planet Glumph is post-scarcity

post-scarcity in a nutshell

A strong theme in this album is it’s mention of Planet Glumph, how it’s inhabitants act, and how we should replicate their actions. Planet Glumph is described as post-war, post-pollution, and pretty much every other issue Earth faces. Five of the nine tracks on the album are based around food, many replicating modern food on Earth. Not only does this prove that aliens have been on Earth and have seen our food, but it also proves that they have been here long enough to relay that information to Planet Glumph and create that food. And why would they dedicate resources to imitating food? Because they have enough resources to do so, for better or for worse. The four prominent food based tracks (“How to Make Alien Fries,” “How to Make Alien Ice Cream,” “How to Make an Alien Shake,” and “How to Make an Alien Burger,”) describe ridiculous methods of creating food that imitates human foods. The fries are made with berries and the corn that grows on the horn of a colossal alien giraffe. The ice cream is made from the rain flavored by a very large, odd looking tree, which is fed by the rain of the very clouds it grows though. The shake is created with many more resources, using a purple cactus-like plant, large multicolored ants, spice, gutted fish, nuts, berry juice, and blended moose antler. The burger is made with spices and the fruit of a tree planted with the disposable additional heads of alien chickens, whose additional heads act as seeds. Despite the concerning ingredients and ethical issues that arise, it is clear that these aliens can basically do whatever they want for fun, including bio-engineering. The corn used in the fries is grown in the millions and grows more when the initial corn is picked. Despite not having a population count for Planet Glumph, it’s safe to assume that they do not need that much corn.

Aliens do what they enjoy

“The Great Message (How the Aliens Transformed Glumph Into a Peaceful and Happy Planet)” directly tells about how the way to solve our issues is for the youth of Earth to “discover [their] talents, develop them, and choose a job that’s fun, and don’t believe the people who say it can’t be done.” This is a direct reference to what some describe as the “sheep mentality” of mankind. The youth of Earth are told to follow the common path of going to a general school, choosing a branch of education that produces money, and finding a job that let’s you buy a house and start a family. Children are told not to follow their talents or interests if they cannot produce money, regardless of whatever enjoyment is made. By following what they enjoy doing, the aliens were able to solve all of their issues because they simply enjoyed what they did. Those who wanted to create, could create. They did not care about judgment or success, but simply enjoyment. But, as many of us would assume, this desire of fun did not lead to the destruction of their very society, but rather, the creation of a real society. A society made for them.


By Haze

Haze is a self proclaimed philosopher, philanthropist, and a bunch of other words. She writes about technology, memetics, metaphysics, and other things that sound smart with no real backing.

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