In today’s sociopolitical journalistic landscape, fact-checking, credibility, and sincerity in reporting has (rightfully) come to the forefront. We’re all tired of “Fake News” and that ilk, right? I mean, I’d hope that anyone smart enough to be reading my column realizes that fucking Clickhole isn’t real news. This entire “Trend” of people being fooled by satire or blatant lying in some cases is honestly pretty shocking to me. It reminds me of being on the internet 12 years ago and having that one friend on newgrounds or stickpage dot com who thought that Christwire was real. You know the guy I’m talking about. We all had That One Friend. Anyway, I’m getting off topic here.

The reason I bring up fact-checking and honesty is because this article has exactly one of those things.  It’s got honesty. I’m being honest when I say that I have done zero fact-checking regarding this article. Why, do you ask? Because I am going to Kinkshame the fucking President.

Donald J. Trump, the president-elect of the former superpower country the United States Of America, has a fucking piss fetish. Isn’t that fucking pathetic? I sure think so. No wonder he likes trickle-down economics so much. Get it? Because piss trickles. And Piss is also what sexually excites the glowing wig glue elemental you all voted for.

Can you imagine finding out you voted for a guy with a piss fetish? Can you imagine the SHAME you must be feeling right now, to know that your despotic savior of “old America” likes being fucking pissed on? I sure can’t. I can’t even begin to comprehend it. Can you imagine how those non “alt-right” types who voted for Trump feel about this? You can bet your sweet ass the old coal miner who voted for Trump doesn’t approve of the golden showers.

The greatest freedom left in this country is freedom of the press, and that’s why I’m free to kinkshame Peeman Don. That’s what I’m calling him now, and there’s not a single thing you can do to stop me. Just like it hurts to cut off pissing mid-stream (or so I’ve been told), it would hurt to try to stop me from Kinkshaming a 70 year old man who happens to be the President-Elect. I’m going to kinkshame this piss-loving fool every day I live and breathe on this planet Earth.

The jokes write themselves, folks. Something something Gold Standard. Something Something ImPEEch. Words Words Words Punchline. The point here is that you don’t even really NEED to write jokes because Donald Trump Likes Being Pissed On.

Imagine being like, literally any other world leader. Imagine being Trudeau or whoever the fuck runs Germany and having to meet with Trump. And in the back of your head, you KNOW. You know this man has been pissed on and enjoyed it. Imagine shaking Trumps hand. You don’t know how much piss has been on that hand, or if a disgusting piss fetishist like him has ever even washed his hands. Disgraceful! Embarrassing!
I would sooner vote for Stalin than I would for a piss fetishist. I would swear my allegiance to goddamn Emperor Palpatine before I respected a man who enjoyed being pissed on.

Shame on you, USA. Shame on you and all you fucking stand for.

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