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The Year in Review: Video Games 2017
2017 was a year in which video games were released, I think. Much better than all those years where video games were not released. Anyways, I did make an article like this last year. Last year I wasn’t fucking 2 months late, and furthermore that article was actually good. I also said last year that, […]
6 min read
March 27, 2018
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Parasite Eve
This time of year, everyone has the same argument with the same people: Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? Sure, it takes place during Christmastime, and there is quite a lot of references to the holiday, but is that what makes it so? At the end of the day, it’s still an enjoyable, well-made film […]
6 min read
February 27, 2018
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Gravity Rush Review
Near the end of this Summer, some part of my brain broke and I convinced myself buying a PS Vita was a worthwhile endeavor. I’m not sure if it was worth it, but dammit I’ll get my money’s worth out of it, even if it kills me. I made sure to get one I could […]
6 min read
January 22, 2018
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The Top 5 Things I Learned From Reading All Of The “The Top 5 Things I Learned From Watching All Of The “Death Stranding” Trailers On Hard Drugs” Article On Hard Drugs
Okay Coach… Coaches Corner? Coaches? However I’m supposed to say your name, this article is for your eyes only. Also for the eyes of everyone else reading this article. I know this is outside the area of your expertise, but hey, Full Disclosure? I don’t care. Number 5 – Psycho Mantis has always been real […]
10 min read
December 12, 2017
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Games Don’t Need To Be Shorter
But they shouldn’t be longer either. What do you think when someone tells you a game is 100 hours long? Chances are you don’t get excited; I wouldn’t. Experience shows that a game that long is going to have lots of padding, and most of that time is spent unsatisfied. There’s a point in any […]
6 min read
December 3, 2017
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Spooktober Bonus Article – Cut List
I don’t have time to play so many games, I’m only one person. Maybe, since I’m a Games Journalist, I can review a game without completing it or knowing too much backstory about it. So here’s a few games which didn’t make the cut due to my inability to focus and play one game at […]
9 min read
October 30, 2017
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Spooktober: Kid Dracula
Kid Dracula is a Castlevania spinoff released in 1993 for the Gameboy. It’s a sequel/remake of an earlier, inferior Japan-only NES game. You play as Dracula’s son, on a quest to save the castle or something, the story was neither clear nor important. The game doesn’t really play similar to Castlevania as you might expect, […]
4 min read
October 26, 2017
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Spooktober: F.E.A.R.
F.E.A.R. is a linear first person shooter in the vein of Half-Life. Released in 2005 by Monolith Productions, it’s a fairly fun game that holds up in the graphics and gameplay departments. The visuals and 3D audio (look into installing those drivers) make the game extremely atmospheric with little detriment to gameplay. There’s 2 expansion […]
12 min read
October 22, 2017
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May 2017 – Death and Rebirth
This month in video games played with what few emotions I have left. Mostly contained in two, completely unrelated events, about the availability of two unique but flawed third person shooters which initially released exclusively on 7th gen consoles. I’m talking about Alan Wake and Vanquish. tl;dr: I recommend both of them, but they aren’t […]
5 min read
May 29, 2017
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The Tale of the Cracker Connoisseur
Once upon a time there was a cracker connoisseur who was named William Henry York or something like that. He had eaten crackers all his life, and soon came to realize there was more to crackers than being simply a salty snack. Lately, he was in search of a more sophisticated cracker. He had always […]
5 min read
May 17, 2017
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Chibi Robo – Spring Cleaning
Apparently people like to clean in the springtime. I just like to play video games. Chibi-Robo is a game about cleaning, a game about cleaning with a toothbrush as a 2 inch tall robot. An already tedious task scaled to “fuck you” proportions. Still want to clean? Doesn’t matter, because your real task is to […]
6 min read
May 1, 2017
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The Far Cry 3 Template
The Far Cry 3 Template is a basic plan to make an open world game, one which everyone will recall as fun, praising its gameplay, all without an inch of proper game design. This template existed before Ubisoft’s Pile Of Shit 3, in many different forms, from many different developers. I term it as such […]
9 min read
April 9, 2017