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Who Is PlayerUnknown? Solving the Greatest Mystery of Our Time.
There are questions that, with enough time and enough lack of answers, become embedded in the human psyche. The collective consciousness of mankind still asks themselves every day about the functionality of magnets, or whether someone shot and killed John F. Kennedy, or if his head just did that. There’s been one specific question on […]
5 min read
April 22, 2018
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The Coaches Corner “Three Days Late Playoff Preview” Article
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, folks. That’s right. It was Homestuck Day yesterday. Just kidding. I don’t even give enough of a shit about 4/13 to write a joke review. Hiveswap actually did come out, by the way. It was okay. A solid 7/10. Ever since then, Homestuck was bought some anime […]
3 min read
April 14, 2018
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A Response to “Overwatch’s Nicest Players Are Giving Me Anxiety”
Firstly – Nathan Grayson, go fuck yourself. I have been working in the journalism industry for half a decade, and I have been around journalism and the products thereof for my entire life. I have witnessed some truly extreme and embarrassing takes from the “verified” “professional” types, from CNN to Fox and Friends to Carles […]
3 min read
March 9, 2018
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Germany 4 – 3 Canada
The world often doesn’t make sense, and it seems that the absolutely inexplicable becomes more commonplace with each passing moment. A D-List reality TV star became the leader of the free world. The media now uses the word “trolling” to describe international espionage. Just a few short months after Kim Jong Un threatened nuclear war, […]
6 min read
February 23, 2018
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The Top 5 Things I Learned From Watching All Of The “Death Stranding” Trailers On Hard Drugs
Hideo Kojima. Where do I even start? An absolute visionary in his field, and one of the most clear-cut examples of why anyone should even take the “video games are art” discourse remotely seriously. Kojima is best known for his work on the Metal Gear Solid series, and some other stuff too, I think. I […]
17 min read
December 11, 2017
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Last Take #5 – A Eulogy for the Cubs and Yankees
Two of my favourite types of columns in the sports journalism world are “why your team sucks” and eulogy columns for whoever has taken the biggest and most highly publicized L in the playoffs recently. I wrote a particularly scathing take on legend-turned-embarrassment Phil Jackson over the summer, and it was the particular kind of […]
4 min read
October 23, 2017
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Last Take #4 – Oh Lore?
I forgot it was Monday and I’m kinda under the weather so here’s the lore for a cat named Pixel. The being that is currently known as Pixel has incredibly complex and trans-universal origins. The original Pixel was, contrary to popular belief, an actual cat. He was being held captive by the Rats from Bad […]
4 min read
October 16, 2017
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Last Take #3 – Line Coaching
The word “Line” can apply to a lot of different concepts in sports, but we’re going to be focusing today on the Miami Dolphins offensive line coach I talked about last week. Remember? The guy who was caught on video snorting a “white powder” (which I’m going to just call coke, because c’mon man. It’s […]
5 min read
October 12, 2017
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Last Take #2 – Lost In The Sauce
I’m going to go ahead and scrap the planned opening for this Monday’s edition of Last Take to say that at approx. 9:40 am EST, ESPN broadcast a video on live television of a Miami Dolphins coach snorting coke. Full stop. This guy just got broadcast using a 20 dollar bill to do lines of […]
4 min read
October 9, 2017
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Coaches Corner Presents: Last Take #1 – The Leafs, Journalistic Integrity, and Coaches’ Origin Story
Wow. It’s sure been awhile, hasn’t it? Since May? 4 Months? If I owed any of you anything, I’d give you an explanation. Well, frankly, it’s just been a very busy summer for me. I moonlighted as an NBA journalist, wrote most of a novel, and had a whirlwind vacation to my favourite city in […]
4 min read
October 5, 2017
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A Bold Re-Gifting – The Pope Just Gave Donald Trump A Copy Of Undertale
If anything, 2016 will go down in history as the year that shit just plain stopped making sense. About a year ago, for some reason that I have not been able to determine despite hours of research, his holiness The Pope invited a bunch of youtubers to the goddamn Vatican. This was generally regarded as […]
3 min read
May 26, 2017
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TOP 5 REASONS WHY I KIDNAPPED AND THEN KILLED TODD KINCANNONS DOG
Before we kick this off I’d like to say that I had a very hard time narrowing this down to just the top five reasons. I had almost 90 reasons on the shortlist before I sat down to bang this one out. I’d have to say that I spent nearly two hours narrowing this down […]
6 min read
May 9, 2017