- It’s Been Exactly One Year Since I Tried To Order a Fortnite Burger For the record, the hill I will plant my flag and die on is that Raising Canes is the only fast food chicken that matters. A weird hill to die on, I know, but at least I'm dead.
- When the Sun Opens When the Sun Opens I was told a lie growing up. It was one of those lies that was, at its very core, entirely harmless, especially when it was fed to the over-imaginative brain of a child. Of course, harm is hardly a dualistic thing. There’s a sliding scale involved, because the world is […]
- Homestuck – The Epilogue It’s been 10 years since Homestuck started, and 3 years since Homestuck ended. I’ve reviewed Homestuck, I’ve even reviewed the Homestuck spin-off game Hiveswap. I haven’t reviewed Friendsim, which is a “not-dating” sim based on Hiveswap, but I will right now – it’s fucking shit. One of the writers tried to sneak diaper fetish porn […]
- The Top 5 Ways That Bernie Can Still Win. I’ve been playing a lot of Age of Empires 2 lately. If you’re one of the few people who still reads my columns on this site, you’d probably be just a little upset if I didn’t make a joke that went something like “If you’re the kind of idiot who would ask yourself ‘Coach, what […]
- You Can Hear The People Shouting Have you ever heard a joke that was so funny you wish you could hear it a thousand times? A quip, a phrase, an anecdote, anything – not necessarily for the first time either – that simply appreciates in value the more and more you hear it? Do you wish that there was a way […]
- Death There’s something old people like to say about the only certainties in life being death and taxes, but come on, let’s be real. No one actually pays their taxes. If the president doesn’t have to, why should anyone else? It’s startlingly easy to just funnel your money through 3rd party platforms as “gifts” and keep […]
- I Tried To Order A Fortnite Burger At McDonald’s. This Is My Story. ON August 6th, let’s all go to mcdonald’s and order a fortnite burger. the look on the employee’s faces will be awesome. One month ago I woke up at about 7:30, and, like everyone else in the world, I immediately checked my Twitter feed during my morning shit. Buried inside of “The Algorithm” (which actually […]
- Top 5 Ways You Can Tell If You Are Currently Living In A Society You’ve probably asked yourself this question before. “Am I living in a society?” If you’re the type of person who googles “QAnon Antifa Paul Simon Farewell Concert” and “What does SEO stand for?” you probably have always pondered the great questions in life, like “What is a society?”, “am I living in one?”, “Do they […]
- Who Is PlayerUnknown? Solving the Greatest Mystery of Our Time. There are questions that, with enough time and enough lack of answers, become embedded in the human psyche. The collective consciousness of mankind still asks themselves every day about the functionality of magnets, or whether someone shot and killed John F. Kennedy, or if his head just did that. There’s been one specific question on […]
- The Coaches Corner “Three Days Late Playoff Preview” Article It’s the most wonderful time of the year, folks. That’s right. It was Homestuck Day yesterday. Just kidding. I don’t even give enough of a shit about 4/13 to write a joke review. Hiveswap actually did come out, by the way. It was okay. A solid 7/10. Ever since then, Homestuck was bought some anime […]
- A Response to “Overwatch’s Nicest Players Are Giving Me Anxiety” Firstly – Nathan Grayson, go fuck yourself. I have been working in the journalism industry for half a decade, and I have been around journalism and the products thereof for my entire life. I have witnessed some truly extreme and embarrassing takes from the “verified” “professional” types, from CNN to Fox and Friends to Carles […]
- Germany 4 – 3 Canada The world often doesn’t make sense, and it seems that the absolutely inexplicable becomes more commonplace with each passing moment. A D-List reality TV star became the leader of the free world. The media now uses the word “trolling” to describe international espionage. Just a few short months after Kim Jong Un threatened nuclear war, […]
