The year really is 20XX, so naturally that means that Mega Man is now canon. That means we live among Robot Masters now! Let’s see what kinda robot masters are out there! I mean, goddamn, we have serving robots, mining robots, and robots we didn’t even fucking make – they just keep dropping from space. We should really get a check on that by the way, considering one of them’s a goddamn fucking commie scum. But what about our hard working roboticists back on Earth? Surely we have made robots that benefit to the future of mankind, right? Right? Well that’s what I’m here to find out, you see, I’ve scoured the deepest parts of DeviantArt Tumblr ROBOTICIST WEBSITES and have seen some of the creations that walk among us. Before we begin I’m going to lay down some ground rules right quick.

All art posted here have sources! Be sure to check out the creators!!

  • No Dr. Light, Dr. Wily, and Dr. Cossack bots. Those are way to popular or are made with the same function over and over (kill Megaman, kill Megaman)*
  • None of those future robots. I’m a modern Rotlich, in a modern era. (No reploids or beyond)
  • Max two robot masters per creator – gotta save some for the rest of the class.

…that’s actually it, thinking about it. Honestly I was originally going to show both good and bad designs, hence not many rules.. but I changed my mind about it. I could’ve used a spot to ridicule a roboticists design, but in turn that would’ve removed a spot for a bot that I legitimately liked. So, I’ll just talk about the ones that I favor the most from what I’ve seen (post first scan).

*There is one exception, but I’ll get to that later.

It’s time to show off what the world has made. ALL IMAGES AND DATA TRANSCRIPTS ARE IN THE SOURCE.

NNN-001 CHAIN MAN

(Source)

Data:

‘A robot built to secure robots prisons. Ends up feeling more like a prisoner himself. Quiet and keeps to himself. Kinder than he looks.

If I could cut these chains that bind me…”

-Good Point: Cooperative and strong in unity
-Bad Point: Easily chained down by responsibilities
-Likes: Daisies
-Dislikes: Broken promises’

A prison bot! This brings up so many questions! Is he a warden? Please tell me he’s a warden. Is he securing prisoners? Robots? ROBOT CRIMINALS? WE HAVE ROBOT CRIMINALS!? Thank goodness Chain Man’s here or else we’ll be screwed. But I think I digress and am missing the point, I like this guy because his function is a rarity (on the account that most robot masters are environmental preservation, energy producers, or kill Megamans). This one does indeed, keep the peace, but in turn he not only locks up crime, but he is also forced to be locked up in him. Probably. I really just wanted to say that line. Note that for most of these Robot Masters I’ll feature, I have yet to see most of them in action, so I’ll just have to speculate that this one will just hang you for the gallows. Or trip you. Or throw you around. It’s chains, you gots options.

Also give this guy an E-Tank it looks like he hasn’t slept in months.

MARBLE

(Source:Artist and Creator)

Alright I love this design I’m not going to be subtle about it at all. This one is clearly a specialized robot Master, but for the life of me I have no idea what her purpose is. Like I get that her sister in the same line is basically a milkman…milkwoman…. but for Marble I have no idea. She could be a Museum Bot, but that’s pure speculation, and Rotlich does no speculating unless it’s speculating to Rotlitch’s benefit. Honestly, I want to see this one on the next Robot Master Tournament. Provided that the local mad scientist doesn’t ruin things. Again. She’s bow based, a flyer, and a theme that I like!

???-??? SILENCE WOMAN

(source)

Data:

Weapon Get: Time DrainFreezes your enemy for a limited time and siphons the life energy outta them

Oh, no designated number eh? OKAY EDGELORD. …okay sorry, I didn’t do that to Marble, I’ll not do this to you. Let’s get realzies this time, Silence woman is quite intriguing. Because it not only uses time stop tech, she also drains life energy. I just find it fascinating. Because usually for time stopping or freezing robot masters, the main purpose of their ability is to NOT hurt whatever their stopping. Or at least, the freezing part. Time Man’s for the study of time flow, Flash Man’s for tactical purposes to fire his machine gun of a buster, Bright Man blinds you, Centaur Man’s Centaur Man, and so on. This one specifically, specifically, hurts you, is what I’m getting from the data. As in, that is the intended design.

The only possible benefit I see from her is probably ending people misery, putting them down. That’s grim. I like grim. It’s 20XX, time to be grim, people. You edgelord.

DHN-008 MIRAGE MAN

(Source)

Okay, first of all I could only find blue prints of this guy, if there is art of this guy, I’m just blind as a bat. Secondly, this guy is a total pompous jerk, has huge ego, and a god complex and I love him. He’s one of the few robot masters I’ve actually read seen in action! He’s got an ego the size of Texas and yet he’s somewhat of a caring robot inside, to some point. Or at least compared to the other Masters in his line. Maybe. SPECULATING MOVING ON.  His ability is holograms and manipulating light, which on the surface sounds un-intimidating, but once he cranks things up to 11 (such as turning a huge chunk of the city into Cloudland USA) things start going cray cray.

BY THE WAY, this particular roboticist has made plenty of others, but I’m trying to get more bang for my buck here and show some variety. To be frank, I enjoy most, if not all, of his robot masters, and choosing just one was hard to do. Go check him out if you’re interested. All.. two of my readers that read my articles…

MOVING ON.

DWN–082 ARACHNID WOMAN

(source)

Okay I know I technically said no Wily Bots but this one was co-opted, therefore valid. This one’s got a whole lot of data. So much, that just dumping would make my critique look like baby meal, so I’ll just highlight the most important bits. Note that all data I get is the same where I get the images, all at the source:

‘Built for hunting down a target for information or infiltrate a high security facility. The Web slinger fires a steam of artificial silk that can stick more than super glue and can be charged with electricity, it can also be used to trap enemies or used as a grappling hook.

“Thats how the plan works! Stupid…”

Goodpoint: Cunning
Badpoint: overconfident (sometimes salty)
Likes: Cross-puzzles
Dislikes: Tobacco

Weapon: Web slinger

Infiltrator animal wily bot. Quite a combo. Design kinda won me over. It’s clearly not because I find a spider robot to be the sickest shit ever… But let’s get real, this is turning more into a showcase than a critique. The thing for me is, if I see something that doesn’t instantly make me ask questions and if I’m okay with said answers, then it’s fine. Now I know what some of you are thinking, and the answer is my reasoning is if I see some heart, then I will validate it. If that’s not what you asked IT IS NOW. Cold and calculating spider girl, that’s all that is need to be said. I don’t know, I like animal themed robot masters. But hey, it’s 20XX, it’s not like that’s going to be a thing, right? RIGHT?

Stop staring at me.

ORN-009 WINTER MAN

(source)

CHECK OUT THIS COOL DUDE! THIS CHILL ROBOT MASTER WILL COOL YOU DOWN. DON’T BE COLD, WINTER MAN WILL TAKE THINGS DOWN A NOTCH. ICE WHAT YOU ARE DOING, BUT DON’T LEAVE YET, YOU’VE YET TO SEE THE CHILLING CONCLUSION! DON’T GIVE ME THE COLD SHOULDER. THIS ROBOT MASTER’S JUST WARMING UP. WHAT, YOU THINK I’M LIMITED TO COLD PUNS? THAT WAS ICE AGES AGO, DON’T BE SUCH A PREHISTORIC PUNK!

I specifically put this one in just so I can do this. I’m apologize to no one.

BUT, I will say this about Winter Man. He’s got a pretty cool great design. Not all robot masters have to be this. I just hope that ice block doesn’t drop on his head when he lets it go. Ice themed robot masters are getting very common at this point, but there’s nothing wrong with throwing down your own design for the theme. In fact I welcome it! I’m a huge advocate of variants. It’s interpretative designs that I strive to find, but I’m getting a little ahead of myself, moving on.

NNN-004 COIN WOMAN

(source)

The data on this Robot Master is as follows:

A minting robot. She’s a bit uptight, but has vast knowledge of money and all things economic. This has made her popular with businesses but she turns them all down…

Heads I win, tails you lose!”

-Good Point: Lucky
-Bad Point: Stingy
-Likes: Polish, calico cats
-Dislikes: Borrowing from friends, all the germs on money’

Another one of the NNN series (I hope to see the rest), Coin Woman is odd due to her function being financial and economic departments. She’s one of the few robot masters, that I know of, that tackles an issue which is usually ignored in the field of robot assistance. Have no real idea on the how, but hey coins! Everyone loves coins, right? And no she doesn’t rub her hands. I know, I’ve tried to catch her in the act, she really doesn’t do that, stop that! Overall, her design is sleek, she’s knowledgeable of economics, and will most likely buy us all out. Be sure to collect all 140 Robot Master coins!* Unorthodox robot masters that fill a niche role are my favorites.

*There aren’t 140 Robot Master coins. There should be though.

PUDDLE WOMAN

(source)

The cutest.

BLAST MAN

(source)

Like Arachnid Woman, there’s a whole lot of DATA, so I’ll trim it down to the meaty bits, paraphasing n’ shiz. Full bio’s in the source by the way.

‘Blast Man was constructed to help clear underfunded construction projects to further development. He comes off as a bit eccentric and a little too eager to do his job. He can trigger his explosives either remotely, or via the plunger on top of his head.’

This guy has a backpack. And a plunger head. 20XX looks pretty good to me. Data also explains that his dynamites are actually just stylized explosives (to keep with theme, I imagine). Actually, the data fully explains every little thing about him, he’s one of the more fleshed out designs. Like that plunger is not for show – that will set something off. Kinda like how Pump Man uses his pump on his head. Robot Masters make anything fun. A solid explosive based robot master.

VENOM WOMAN

(source)

There really isn’t that much to say about Venom Woman, she has (what I believe could be wrong) Venom Stinger, with which she pokes things to death. A Melee based Robot Master, probably built for sinister purposes. It’s really hard to find hard data on her since she’s elusive, but all I found was this image.

(source)

I think it was worth it. In all seriousness, her design is sleek and I want to know more about her backstory. Like, I know coming from the stinger she has that she’s a combat robot – but to combat what? Same issue with Marble… it’s pure speculation. Could be built specifically for the Robot Master Tournament, could be to kill Megamans, could be a bitcoin assassin, who knows?! My theory is that the roboticist simply wanted to design, but that’s just my own theory, what do I know.  All I know is she’s pure venom.

MPN-006 MOON MAN

(source)

Alright let’s get this out of the way first, I like space themed robot masters. And design wise it’s actually holds ground. The origin indeed, is based of another robot master, but I think he stands on his own. DATA:

“The Sun sees you body, the Moon sees your soul!”

Good Point: Vivacious
Bad Point: Melancolic
Like: Hyperspace documentary
Dislike:
Lunar eclipse

It doesn’t always have to be detailed or anything (mentioned it with Winter Man). Like of all these robot masters I don’t suggest nothing, period. BUT this guy needs to throw his moon helmet. I DON’T CARE IF THAT’S CUT MAN, LIKE, IT’S A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY. Honestly, though as much as I want to talk more about this one… that’s all I got, his blue prints tell you everything you need to know. Personal favorite!


Alrighty that’s enough showcasing for now.  Why did I showcaseall these Robot Masters? Because I goddamn fucking love robot masters, you nerd. I’m not going to sugar coat it, while finding ones for the article, I did find some that, to say the least, disturb me. And for a short while I WAS going to show them off and scrutinize the ever loving shit out of them. BUT as I mentioned at the beginning, for every bad one I put in, I’d have to exclude a good one.  I’d rather show off the ones I like than the ones I didn’t. I like good ideas, good designs, and I want to share that.

So that’s all for now, I’ll go back to burying myself for months an-

wait

….

what’s that?

HANG ON FOLKS, WE JUST GOT WORD OF A RECENT ANNOUCEMENT OF A ROBOT MASTER IN DEVELOPMENT RIGHT NOW!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL FOLKS!

HANG ON TO YOUR BUTTCHEEKS, BECAUSE WE GOT  WORD THAT BOSTON DYNAMICS ARE SHOWING UP A NEW PROTOYPE ROBOT MASTER CODENAMED ‘HANDLER’

(source)

I’M AFRAID WE CANNOT GET DATA ON THIS PROTOTYPE, FIELD AGENT ROTLICH, WHAT SAY YOU?

 

“HOLY SHIT LOOK LOOK AT THAT THING, IT LOOKS LIKE A QUADUPED THAT’S ROLLERSKATING ON IT’S HIND LEGS, THAT THING, JUMPS. IT. JUMPS. GAME OVER MAN GAME OV-“

 

Riveting, thank you. Well there you have it, it’s 20xx and we’re one step closer to hunting us all down, killing all of us and replacing us with animal robots that will wage war with each other for several centuries.

Gee thanks Dr. Light. You jerk.

-Rotlich

4 thoughts on “Rotlich Critiques: The Robot Masters of our time

Leave a Reply